The Bible offers profound insights into wisdom and its counterpart, foolishness. Understanding this distinction is crucial for women seeking to live a life that honors God and blesses those around them. While we address this topic particularly to women, the principles discussed are universally applicable to everyone, regardless of age or gender.
As Proverbs 14:1 states, “The wise woman builds her house, but with her own hands the foolish one tears hers down.” This powerful verse sets the stage for exploring the contrasting characteristics of wise and foolish women. A wise woman, in her various roles – wife, mother, friend, or any other – is a source of strength and positive influence. She nurtures and uplifts her family and community.
In stark contrast, a foolish woman operates without reverence for God or genuine consideration for others, unless it serves her self-centered desires. She is often characterized by her willfulness, ego-centricity, and indulgence in fleeting wants. Instead of embodying love and service, expecting blessings to follow, she demands her perceived rights and often becomes destructive to the very things she claims to desire.
It’s important to acknowledge that none of us have achieved perfection in wisdom. Life is a journey of continuous growth and learning. The key question is: are we actively striving to grow wiser? Are we honestly evaluating ourselves and seeking to change for the better? If we recognize areas of foolishness in our lives, how do we begin the transformative journey toward wisdom?
To understand this contrast better, let’s define wisdom as “the correct application of truth.” It’s not merely knowing God’s word, but skillfully applying it to the everyday situations we encounter. Today, we’ll focus on specific aspects of wisdom and foolishness related to our speech and listening – our tongues and ears – and how these play out in our lives.
The Power of Words: Tongue and Ears
One of the most significant areas where women can easily fall into foolishness instead of wisdom is in how we use our tongues and how attentively we listen to others. James, in his epistle, provides profound insights into the immense power – and potential danger – of the tongue. In James 3, he writes:
“Indeed, we all stumble in many ways. Anyone who is never at fault in what they say is perfect, able to keep their whole body in check. When we put bits into the mouths of horses to make them obey us, we can turn the whole animal. Or take ships, which are so large and are driven by strong winds, are steered by a very small rudder wherever the pilot wants to go. Likewise, the tongue is a small part of the body, but it makes great boasts. Consider what a great forest is set on fire by a small spark. And the tongue is a fire, a world of iniquity. The tongue is placed among our members, staining the whole body, setting on fire the course of life, and set on fire by hell.” (James 3:2-6, NIV)
James emphasizes the untamed nature of the tongue. He continues, highlighting the difficulty in controlling it:
“For people can tame all kinds of animals, birds, reptiles and sea creatures, but no human being can tame the tongue. It is a restless evil, full of deadly poison.” (James 3:7-8, NIV)
“Deadly poison” – a stark description indeed! The tongue, though small, possesses incredible power to build up or tear down, to heal or to wound. No one can perfectly tame it on their own strength; it requires divine intervention, the control of the Holy Spirit working within us.
So, how do we gain control over our tongues and move from foolishness to wisdom in our speech? Firstly, we must commit to personal growth in this area. Prayer is essential; we need to consistently ask God for His help. Furthermore, seeking accountability from trusted individuals who love us and are willing to offer honest feedback is invaluable. And crucially, we must cultivate a spirit of repentance. When we realize we’ve spoken unwisely or unlovingly, we should be quick to seek forgiveness from both God and those we’ve wronged. Transparency with our support system, acknowledging our desire for growth and requesting their help in pointing out our verbal missteps, is a sign of wisdom. However, this also necessitates a willingness to truly listen and receive correction when it’s offered. Teachability is paramount.
The Teachable Heart of a Wise Woman
Proverbs 10:8 contrasts the wise and the foolish in their receptiveness to instruction:
“The wise in heart accept commands, but a chattering fool comes to ruin.” (Proverbs 10:8, NIV)
“The wise in heart accept commands” – they are teachable. Are you teachable? Even when it comes from sources you might not immediately welcome, like a spouse, parent, friend, or supervisor? Proverbs 12:15 further emphasizes this point:
“The way of fools is right in their own eyes, but those who listen to advice are wise.” (Proverbs 12:15, NIV)
A wise woman embraces correction (Proverbs 17:10, 9:8, 1:5; James 1:19). In contrast, a “chattering fool,” or a “silly woman,” dismisses others’ input, convinced of her own infallibility. She dominates conversations, always needing to voice her opinion, regardless of its value. She’s too preoccupied with speaking to learn from others (Proverbs 10:14, 12:15).
“A rebuke impresses a discerning person more than a hundred lashes a fool.” (Proverbs 17:10, NIV)
Does it take repeated, harsh experiences for God to get your attention, or are you responsive to a gentle rebuke? Learning to receive criticism constructively is a hallmark of wisdom.
“Do not rebuke mockers, or they will hate you; rebuke the wise, and they will love you.” (Proverbs 9:8, NIV)
We often become frustrated when children resist correction, but are we modeling teachability in our own lives?
“Let the wise listen and add to their learning, and let the discerning get guidance.” (Proverbs 1:5, NIV)
Wise women are perpetually learning and growing.
The Wisdom of Listening
Beyond teachability, wise women are also characterized by their excellent listening skills. James instructs us to be “quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry” (James 1:19, NIV).
Are we genuinely quick to listen? Do we show sincere interest in the lives and experiences of others? Or are we more focused on our own thoughts and what we want to express? Are we truly listening, or merely waiting for our turn to speak? Are we so busy formulating our response that we miss the essence of what’s being communicated?
“Sin is not ended by multiplying words, but the prudent hold their tongues.” (Proverbs 10:19, NIV)
The wise woman understands the value of restraint in speech and the importance of attentive listening.
Restraining Emotions: The Foolishness of Venting
Another manifestation of foolishness is the uncontrolled outpouring of emotions onto others. Proverbs 29:11 contrasts the fool and the wise in emotional expression:
“Fools give full vent to their rage, but the wise bring calm in the end.” (Proverbs 29:11, NIV)
It’s foolish to impulsively unload our feelings on everyone around us. Even when confrontation is necessary, it must be handled biblically. This begins with self-examination (Matthew 7:1-5). We are called to approach the situation with gentleness and a restorative purpose (Galatians 6:1-2).
Proverbs 17:28 highlights how even silence can be perceived as wisdom in a fool:
“Even fools are thought wise if they keep silent, and discerning if they hold their tongues.” (Proverbs 17:28, NIV)
As the saying goes, “Sometimes it’s better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak and remove all doubt.”
Thoughtful Speech: A Mark of Wisdom
Proverbs 12:16-18 provides further insight into wise speech:
“Fools show their annoyance at once, but the prudent overlook an insult. Truthful witnesses give honest testimony, but false witnesses lie. The words of the reckless pierce like swords, but the tongue of the wise brings healing.” (Proverbs 12:16-18, NIV)
Wise women consider the impact of their words. They strive to speak honorably and truthfully.
“Whoever slanders their neighbor is a fool.” (Proverbs 10:18, NIV)
Foolish individuals engage in slander, gossip, and criticism. In contrast, the virtuous woman described in Proverbs 31 “speaks with wisdom, and faithful instruction is on her tongue” (Proverbs 31:26, NIV).
Ephesians 4:29, 31-32 gives practical guidance on wholesome communication:
“Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen… Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.” (Ephesians 4:29, 31-32, NIV)
And as Proverbs 12:18 reminds us:
“The words of the reckless pierce like swords, but the tongue of the wise brings healing.” (Proverbs 12:18, NIV)
Choosing Wisdom in Our Words
Looking ahead, how will we choose to use our tongues? Will we allow them to be instruments of harm, filled with “deadly poison”? Will we utter foolish or wise words? And what about our listening? Will we be receptive to wise counsel, or stubbornly resistant?
Perhaps reflecting on these verses makes you realize, “I hope I’m not that silly woman, but I know I have room to grow.” Remember, wisdom is a journey, not a destination. The crucial question is: where are you on your path toward becoming a wise woman? Are you actively studying and reflecting on what wisdom looks like? Are you seeking God’s help to change and grow? Do you seek forgiveness when you fall short? Are you teachable?
Effective communication is the bedrock of healthy relationships. Intimacy in marriage and other relationships hinges on it. This includes sharing vulnerabilities, fears, and struggles, as well as dreams and aspirations. Such openness thrives in an atmosphere of grace, where individuals are committed to listening attentively and speaking wisely and lovingly.
Let’s ask God to reveal areas where we are demonstrating wisdom and where we are exhibiting foolishness in our speech and listening. We can echo the Psalmist’s prayer:
“Search me, God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.” (Psalm 139:23-24, NIV)
The way everlasting is the way of wisdom.
Posts in this Series:
Are You a Wise Woman or a Foolish One?
Wise or Foolish? Part 2: The Tongue & Ears
Wise or Foolish? Part 3: Money & Stuff
Wise or Foolish? Part 4: Friendships & Counselors
