I was on a business trip in sunny California, just a stone’s throw from the beach. We were enjoying ice cream and relaxed conversation, a welcome break from work talk. Then, someone mentioned a friend of a friend who had died by suicide.
That familiar, heavy ache settled in my chest, a wave of nausea rising. My insides felt like they were vibrating when my coworker voiced his confusion, saying he couldn’t understand what could drive someone to feel that taking their own life was the only way out.
I took a deep breath, the air catching in my throat. “I do,” I finally said, the words feeling foreign even to my own ears. “I completely understand. I’ve been there.” It was the first time I’d ever spoken those words aloud to colleagues.
My coworkers were stunned, their faces a mixture of shock and disbelief. After a moment of stunned silence, someone asked, hesitantly, what it felt like to want to die. And so, I told them. I described the physical pain that accompanied the despair, the bone-deep exhaustion, the crushing weight of it all. I explained that it felt like slowly dying from a terrible illness, and desperately wishing for an end, knowing, with chilling certainty, that things would only worsen.
The past couple of weeks have been filled with heartbreaking news of people succumbing to this same despair. The deaths of Anthony Bourdain and Kate Spade by suicide just last week sent shockwaves. Closer to home, several children of friends have attempted suicide, leaving their church communities reeling. Our hearts ache for those in such profound pain.
I remember the expressions on my colleagues’ faces as my words sank in. They had never heard a firsthand account of what it’s like to be suicidal, and in that moment, they began to grasp, at least in a small way, the immense suffering involved. This experience highlighted for me just how little the church, as a whole, understands about depression and suicide.
We, as Christians, are called to be the light of the world, a refuge for the broken and weary. But if we remain ignorant of the darkness people endure, our ability to reach and support them within that darkness is significantly diminished. Therefore, it’s crucial for every Christian to understand these key truths about suicide and depression:
It’s Not Just in Your Head: The Physical Reality of Depression
The term “mental illness” can be misleading, creating the impression that depression is solely a matter of thoughts and emotions, existing only within our minds. This couldn’t be further from the truth. Depression is a physical illness with profound physical manifestations. WebMD lists at least 12 physical symptoms of serious depression, demonstrating its wide-reaching impact on the body. These symptoms can include the development or worsening of chronic pain, unexplained chest pain, debilitating migraines, persistent stomach problems, and a significantly weakened immune system, making individuals more susceptible to illness.
One of the most pervasive physical symptoms is a bone-deep weariness, an unrelenting exhaustion that becomes a constant companion. It’s a fatigue that no amount of sleep or caffeine can alleviate. When people describe being unable to get out of bed due to depression, this profound physicality is precisely what they are describing.
That day by the beach, I tried to convey to my coworkers the sheer physicality of depression. It felt as though every cell in my body was fighting against gravity, yearning to collapse into a puddle on the floor. My skin felt raw and sensitive, like sunburn after applying lotion. A constant lump in my throat made swallowing painful. At my lowest point, I became severely underweight because the simple act of eating felt like an insurmountable task.
Suicide is Not Selfish: It Can Feel Like Selflessness
The hurtful and inaccurate statement that suicide is the most selfish act imaginable is often thrown around. However, for many individuals battling the suffocating darkness of suicidal ideation, ending their lives feels like the most selfless act they could possibly undertake. Depression frequently breeds an intense and deeply ingrained sense of self-hatred and worthlessness. In those dark depths, the crushing belief takes hold that one is toxic, a burden, and actively harmful to loved ones. Suicide, in this distorted reality, becomes twisted into a perceived act of benevolence, a way to liberate others from the perceived negative impact of one’s existence.
This devastating misconception is a recurring theme. As this mother poignantly shared, she genuinely believed her husband would find a more capable and loving wife and mother for their child after she was gone. She was convinced her family would be better off, no longer burdened by her illness and perceived inadequacy. My dear friend, Steve Austin, a pastor, nearly succumbed to suicide because he was consumed by the belief that ending his life was the most loving and beneficial action for his wife and young son. Thankfully, Steve survived. His journey towards healing involved time in a psychiatric ward, medication, and finally finding the support he had desperately sought but never found within the church.
Beyond Sadness: The Complex Landscape of Depressive Feelings
It’s a common but damaging oversimplification to equate depression with mere sadness. As this insightful article expertly explains, depression is a far more complex and nuanced experience. It can manifest as a pervasive emptiness, a numbing flatness, a constant state of irritation, or a profound and unsettling emotional numbness. In fact, many individuals who seek professional help for depression initially only report physical symptoms. This is because they don’t necessarily feel “sad” in the way society commonly understands it, further highlighting the insidious and multifaceted nature of this illness.
For me, one of the earliest indicators of a depressive episode is a debilitating brain fog. The world seems to slow down, moving in slow motion, yet paradoxically, I still feel unable to keep up, struggling to process information and navigate daily life. The overwhelming desire for sleep becomes all-consuming – not just because depression is profoundly exhausting, but because sleep offers a temporary escape, a refuge from the relentless internal turmoil.
Faith is Not a Cure-All: Prayer and Bible Study Are Vital, But Not Always Enough
A 2013 Lifeway Research study revealed a concerning statistic: nearly 50% of evangelicals believe that prayer and Bible study alone are sufficient to overcome serious mental illness. This misguided belief, while rooted in faith, unfortunately prevents countless individuals from seeking the professional medical and therapeutic help they desperately need. While faith is undeniably a powerful source of strength and comfort, it is not a replacement for evidence-based treatment for clinical depression.
I know this reality intimately from personal experience. No matter how fervently I recited scripture, how many times I pleaded for healing, or how diligently I engaged in all the prescribed spiritual practices, my illness persisted. Miraculous, instantaneous healing did not occur.
Undeniably, our God is omnipotent and capable of miraculous, instantaneous healing. And it’s also true that some cases of mild depression may naturally remit over time, similar to spontaneous cancer remission. This can inadvertently reinforce the dangerous misconception that seeking medical intervention signifies a lack of faith. It’s crucial for Christians to understand and embrace that prayer and immersing oneself in scripture are indispensable components of a holistic self-care plan, providing spiritual nourishment and strength.
However, for many, these spiritual practices alone are not enough to combat the complex biological and psychological realities of clinical depression. It wasn’t until I began taking medication and attending weekly sessions with a licensed therapist (recognizing that while pastors offer valuable spiritual guidance, they generally lack the specialized training to effectively counsel individuals with severe depression or suicidal thoughts) that the oppressive darkness began to lift and the constant ache in my chest finally subsided.
I am profoundly grateful that God chooses to work through various means, including the advancements of medicine in the form of “little pills” and the expertise of skilled mental health professionals, just as much as if He were to heal with a divine wave of His hand. He remains the ultimate source of healing, and His glory is magnified when He works through people and the tools He has provided.
Spiritual Leaders Struggle Too: Depression Doesn’t Discriminate Based on Faith
The insidious lie that individuals who walk closely with God are somehow immune to suicidal thoughts or mental health challenges is incredibly damaging. It wrongly casts these very real and often biological illnesses as spiritual failings or sins.
If we internalize the belief that depression and dark thoughts are inherently sinful, we become more prone to feelings of shame and condemnation, fearing God’s judgment and punishment. However, the liberating truth is that God is inherently good and overflowing with grace. He is not a punitive figure, waiting to condemn us for our struggles but a loving Father who desires to walk alongside us in our pain. As shared in another article, God’s heart is one of compassion, not condemnation, for those battling mental illness.
Depression and suicidal thoughts are impartial and indiscriminate; they do not care about one’s level of spirituality or devotion. I am certain that countless devout believers and dedicated spiritual leaders secretly wish that faith alone was a shield against these struggles. I know I certainly did.
Even while deeply engaged in ministry – serving, preaching, leading worship, participating in mission trips, and leading Bible studies – I was simultaneously battling the intense desire to die. The pain, the hopelessness, persisted despite my outward devotion and service.
I mentioned Steve earlier, my friend the pastor. He was actively serving as a youth pastor when he attempted suicide. He possessed a deep knowledge of scripture, knew how to pray, and was acutely aware of all the “right” answers and appropriate spiritual pronouncements. Yet, these very things only amplified his shame, as the stigma associated with being a pastor struggling with such profound issues felt unbearable.
Depression and suicide rates are alarmingly on the rise nationwide. We cannot fall into the dangerous assumption that those we admire, love, and look up to are somehow immune to battling this darkness.
“Choose Joy” Isn’t a Solution: Minimizing Pain is Harmful
Christians sometimes offer well-intentioned but ultimately unhelpful advice, such as urging those struggling to simply “choose joy” or to “focus on others” instead of dwelling on their own pain. While there is a kernel of truth in the importance of cultivating gratitude, practicing joy, and serving others as components of a healthy life, these suggestions are woefully inadequate, even dismissive, in the face of severe depression and suicidal ideation.
When death feels like the only escape from an internal torture chamber, simplistic platitudes like “choose joy” are not only ineffective but can be deeply invalidating and hurtful. Worse, they can become tools for masking pain, forcing individuals to suppress their true feelings in order to meet external expectations. This is precisely how I was able to maintain involvement in multiple ministries and wear a bright smile on the outside while, internally, I was desperately wishing for an end to my suffering.
Instead of offering simplistic solutions, offering genuine empathy and support is profoundly more effective. Saying things like, “I’m so sorry you’re hurting,” and simply being present with someone in their pain, offering a listening ear and a safe space to share, is infinitely more valuable than unsolicited advice. This genuine compassion allows individuals to be honest about their struggles, which, in itself, can be a crucial step in saving a life.
Intrusive Thoughts: The Unwanted Horror Movie in Your Mind
Suicidal thoughts are often intrusive, unwelcome, and relentless. They appear unbidden, whether we want them or not, like a horrific movie playing on repeat in our minds. We are forced to repeatedly witness our own demise, playing out different scenarios over and over. Sometimes, these thoughts are terrifying, filled with fear and dread. Other times, disturbingly, they can begin to feel like a sweet release, a tempting escape from the unbearable pain of living.
Several years ago, I was part of an incredible church community in Atlanta. I co-directed a non-profit organization and actively served in the youth ministry. Students looked up to me, sought my guidance, and came to me for wisdom. Unbeknownst to anyone, I was in a constant internal battle, wrestling with these intrusive thoughts. No one in that vibrant community knew about the “horror movie” constantly playing in my mind.
One particularly difficult Sunday, I stood alongside my students during worship, desperately trying to turn my eyes upon Jesus, to focus on faith and hope. I silently affirmed my love for Him, resolving to praise Him regardless of my persistent suffering. Yet, when I closed my eyes in prayer, the only image that flooded my mind was a vivid and disturbing vision of my own body hanging, swinging from the rafters of the church.
I didn’t tell a soul. The shame and fear kept me silent.
Silence and Shame: The Fear of Disclosure
Those who struggle with suicidal thoughts are acutely aware that these thoughts are not healthy, normal, or socially acceptable. We recognize that they are deeply uncomfortable and frightening for others to hear about and process. Consequently, we often expend tremendous energy fighting to suppress them, desperately telling ourselves to stop thinking such “hideous” thoughts, to regain control of our minds. If we have been in therapy or treatment for a while, we might begin to recognize these thoughts as symptoms of an illness, distortions of reality, “lies” as some describe them.
But often, especially in the depths of despair, we lack this clarity and perspective. The disease itself clouds judgment and distorts reality, making it incredibly difficult to discern truth from the lies depression whispers.
Feeling Forsaken: The Lie That God Has Abandoned You
Depression is a master of deception. When healing feels elusive, and suffering persists, it becomes agonizingly easy to believe the insidious lie that God has abandoned us. And if we have been taught, directly or indirectly, that depression and suicidal thoughts are sinful, selfish, or displeasing to God, this false belief can be amplified, leading to the devastating conclusion that God is justified in abandoning us, that we are reaping the consequences of our own spiritual failings.
This is why it is absolutely paramount that we, as Christians, approach depression and suicide with the same compassion, understanding, and practical support that we extend to individuals facing any other serious health issue. Acts of kindness and genuine encouragement from fellow believers are not mere niceties; they are profoundly powerful demonstrations of God’s presence and tangible proof of His unwavering love. They can be a lifeline in the darkness, reminding those struggling that they are not forgotten, not forsaken, and deeply valued.
Loving Jesus and Battling Depression: Coexistence is Possible
If you are struggling with depression and suicidal thoughts, please know this truth with unwavering certainty: your life still has immense value and purpose in God’s eyes. You can be set apart for His purposes, filled with opportunities to serve and bless others, even amidst the ongoing struggle. You may continue to experience difficult days, and the desire to die may resurface at times. But these dark thoughts do not diminish your belovedness, your inherent worth, or your faithfulness. And, even when it feels impossible to believe, it is still absolutely possible to live a full, joyful, and meaningful life even in the midst of managing depression.
It requires dedicated effort, unwavering commitment to self-care, and a strong support system of trained professionals. It will likely involve therapy, courageously confronting painful experiences, and possibly medication. But abundant life, a life filled with purpose and joy, is attainable. I know this because it is my lived reality.
I continue to take medication every day, prioritize spending time with Jesus each morning, and attend therapy faithfully. I communicate openly with those closest to me when I am having difficult days and battling dark thoughts because I am determined not to let them win. Several years into this journey, the struggle continues, but my life is undeniably beautiful, and I am genuinely happy.
You can experience this same hope and healing. But please, invest in yourself. Prioritize your well-being. Take concrete steps towards getting help:
- Reach Out Immediately: Call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255) or text with someone at the Crisis Text Line by texting HOME to 741741. Program these numbers into your phone right now so you have immediate access to support 24/7.
- Schedule a Doctor’s Appointment: Make an appointment with your primary care physician. If you lack insurance or cannot afford an appointment, remember that most cities offer free or reduced-cost clinics that provide mental health services.
- Find Someone to Talk To: Confide in someone you trust. Please remember, you are not a burden. You are precious, important, and this world is undeniably better because you are in it, drawing breath.
Saving a Life is Easier Than You Think: The Power of Presence and Kindness
Earlier, I mentioned the distorted belief that my death would be a blessing to others. Yet, I am still alive today because one friend, Angela, noticed that something was deeply wrong and took action.
Angela intentionally invited me to dinner, included me in outings like blackberry picking with her children, and consistently reminded me of my importance to her family. She verbalized her love for me, affirmed that my brokenness was not my fault, and gently challenged the lie that God was pleased by my suffering. Her most powerful act was simply being present in my pain, offering unwavering companionship and support.
On a sweltering July night, when I was utterly exhausted from fighting to stay alive, I found myself on her doorstep because I knew, instinctively, that her home was a safe haven. And her family, in their love and acceptance, walked alongside me through the darkest valley.
When I desperately needed Immanuel, God With Us, Angela and her family embodied Him, carrying His presence into my life. They helped me to slowly, tentatively, begin to believe that I was loved and that my life truly mattered.
So often, all it takes to save a life is to be Jesus to someone – to be present, to be loving, and to be a source of light in their darkness. Christ, the hope of glory, dwells “in you” (Col. 1:27). You don’t need to have all the answers, or possess the ability to “fix” someone’s depression. You simply need to be present, perhaps offer to help them schedule a doctor’s appointment, or simply listen without judgment. Cultivate awareness of those around you who may be hurting. Practice radical kindness.
People struggling with depression and suicidal thoughts desperately need you to enter their darkness and sit there with them, offering your unwavering love. You can be His arms to hold them, His hands to nourish them, His voice to reassure them that they are not alone. Your love and kindness possess a transformative power far greater than you may realize.
Depression and suicide are profoundly serious issues, and my heart breaks alongside those of you facing these struggles.
If you need to talk, or if you know someone who is struggling, please call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255) or text with someone at the Crisis Text Line by texting HOME to 741741.
