“Comparison is the thief of joy.” —Theodore Roosevelt
In our hyper-connected world, where social media feeds are curated highlight reels, it’s easier than ever to fall into the trap of comparing ourselves to others. Whether it’s career achievements, material possessions, relationships, or even vacation photos, the constant influx of information about other people’s lives can leave us feeling inadequate and envious. But this incessant comparison steals our joy and hinders our personal growth. If you’re tired of feeling like you’re always measuring up to someone else’s yardstick, it’s time to learn How To Stop Comparing Yourself To Others and start celebrating your own unique journey.
Are you unsure how often you engage in this comparison game? Ask yourself: Who have you compared yourself to today? Or think back to your last scroll through social media – which posts sparked envy or made your own life seem less exciting? Conversely, did any posts trigger feelings of smugness, making you feel superior? This comparison cycle is a deeply ingrained human tendency, but it’s one we can learn to break free from.
The digital age, particularly social media, has amplified this tendency. Studies consistently show a link between social media usage and increased rates of depression and envy, alongside a decrease in overall well-being. This is why being mindful of our social media consumption is crucial. Purposefully choosing what we engage with and limiting our time online can be a powerful first step.
Personally, as someone who writes and speaks about wellness, resilience, burnout, and mental health, I am acutely aware of the detrimental effects of unchecked social media use. Despite this awareness, I still find myself occasionally falling into the comparison trap when I mindlessly scroll through feeds. It’s almost inevitable to encounter something that triggers feelings of inadequacy or envy – a sense of missing out on something that others seemingly possess, often things I hadn’t even considered wanting until that moment.
Recently, I shared a post about the comparison trap on social media, and a comment from a senior citizen truly resonated with me: “Reading about everyone’s vacations kills me. Not in my budget, ever. And these posts never stop.” This poignant comment highlights the often-unintended impact of our social media sharing. It prompted me to reflect on the need for greater awareness regarding how our posts might affect others. Years ago, I made a conscious decision to stop posting vacation photos publicly. Perhaps sharing such moments with a select group of close family and friends who genuinely want to see them is more considerate. Before sharing anything, it’s worth considering your audience. Think about their life circumstances and whether your post might inadvertently cause them pain or envy. You might be surprised by how many people don’t actually derive joy from seeing pictures of you relaxing on a tropical beach with a cocktail, especially if such experiences are out of their reach.
Woman looking at reflection in water, symbolizing the need to stop comparing yourself to others.
Drawing back to Theodore Roosevelt’s insightful quote, let’s explore practical strategies to prevent comparison from stealing our joy. Beyond being mindful of provoking comparison in others, it’s essential to become self-aware of how we ourselves fall victim to this trap and squander our own contentment. Here are actionable tips on how to stop comparing yourself to others:
Practical Strategies to Break Free from the Comparison Trap
1. Identify and Avoid Your Comparison Triggers
The first step in learning how to stop comparing yourself to others is to recognize the situations and stimuli that initiate this behavior. As mentioned earlier, social media is a significant trigger for many. However, consider other potential catalysts. Is there a particular person who consistently brags or asks subtly undermining questions about your life? Are there certain environments, like high-end shopping districts or affluent neighborhoods, that leave you feeling dissatisfied with your own life, even when you were content just moments before?
Take some time to list the people, places, and situations that frequently lead you to envy or compare yourself negatively. For each item on your list, note down how it negatively impacts you and why engaging in comparison in these instances is ultimately a waste of your valuable time and energy. Make a conscious commitment to catch yourself when these triggers arise. Actively avoid comparison triggers whenever possible, especially if the activity or interaction doesn’t contribute meaningfully or positively to your life.
2. Remember: You’re Comparing “Outsides” to Your “Insides”
This is a profoundly helpful perspective shift in how to stop comparing yourself to others. Unless you have deep intimacy with someone, you are primarily seeing their carefully constructed external presentation. People meticulously curate their social media personas and often present idealized versions of their lives in public. We’ve all likely experienced the shock of learning about the divorce of a couple who seemed perfectly happy and stable from the outside. While it’s important to wish others well, when their seemingly perfect life makes you feel inadequate, remind yourself that you are only seeing a surface-level portrayal. You have no real insight into the complexities, struggles, and vulnerabilities that exist behind closed doors.
3. Repeat the Mantra: “Money Doesn’t Buy Happiness”
It’s a well-established fact that beyond meeting basic needs, increased wealth is not correlated with increased happiness or well-being. My personal experience reinforces this. During my time as a flamenco dancer at an exclusive resort frequented by celebrities and the ultra-wealthy, a manager confided in me that she had never witnessed so much unhappiness in one place. Material possessions and financial wealth can provide fleeting moments of pleasure, but their inherent inability to provide lasting fulfillment often leads to deeper disappointment. Remembering this truth is crucial when you start comparing your material status to others as part of learning how to stop comparing yourself to others.
4. Cultivate Gratitude for the Good in Your Life
Practicing gratitude is a powerful antidote to comparison and envy. If you make a conscious effort to be deeply grateful for the positive aspects of your life and regularly remind yourself of these blessings, you become far less susceptible to the comparison trap. When you find yourself triggered by negative comparisons, immediately pause and consciously bring to mind the things you are grateful for in your life, right now. There is always something to appreciate, even in challenging times. This shift in focus is key in how to stop comparing yourself to others.
5. Use Comparison as Inspiration for Meaningful Growth
The human inclination to desire what others possess doesn’t have to be entirely negative. This tendency becomes detrimental only when focused on superficial aspects. However, if you can redirect this comparative energy towards admiring and emulating qualities of genuine worth, such as generosity or kindness, it can become a source of positive motivation. Consider: Who do you truly admire? What kind of comparisons could actually be beneficial for your personal growth? For instance, I admire women who are exceptionally kind and generous wives, mothers, and friends. They positively impact their communities, and I aspire to embody those qualities more fully. Focus your precious time and thoughts on comparisons that inspire you to live a more meaningful and virtuous life. This reframes comparison from a source of negativity to a tool for self-improvement and is a mature approach to how to stop comparing yourself to others in a destructive way.
Imagine transforming the comparison game into a valuable tool for self-improvement. By consciously shifting your focus away from the negative aspects of comparison, which only breed misery and feelings of lack, you can harness its power to become a better version of yourself and contribute positively to the world around you.
Copyright Dr. Susan Biali Haas 2018.
