Comparing ourselves to others is a natural human tendency. We see someone seemingly more successful, happier, or talented, and we can’t help but wonder where we fall short. But does comparing yourself with others actually help? Often, therapists advise against it, citing the potential for negative self-esteem and unnecessary suffering. This article explores the complexities of comparison, drawing on a personal experience from Mozambique that offers a profound perspective on the issue.
The Common Wisdom: Why Comparisons Can Be Harmful
Conventional wisdom suggests two primary reasons to avoid comparisons. First, the world is vast, and there will always be someone “better” in some aspect of life. Constantly striving to measure up against an ever-shifting benchmark can lead to perpetual feelings of inadequacy. Second, comparisons are often inherently unfair. We tend to compare our internal struggles with others’ carefully curated external presentations. We see their highlight reel, not the behind-the-scenes struggles they might be facing. This skewed perception can create unrealistic expectations and fuel self-doubt.
A Lesson in Uniqueness from Mozambique
While these common arguments against comparison hold true, a more profound lesson emerged during my time as a Peace Corps volunteer in Mozambique. I was stationed in a small town with another volunteer, Akisha. Despite our different backgrounds and personalities, the local community often compared us directly, particularly focusing on our language skills. Akisha’s near-fluent Portuguese contrasted sharply with my initial struggles, leading to me being labeled “the stupid one.”
This experience was frustrating and felt deeply unfair. However, Akisha offered a perspective that shifted my understanding. She pointed out that the real issue wasn’t the inaccurate label, but the act of comparison itself. She argued that comparing two individuals, each uniquely created, was an affront to the inherent value of individuality. Whether you attribute this uniqueness to divine creation, genetics, or a combination of factors, each person possesses a distinct set of qualities and experiences that make them who they are. Comparisons diminish this inherent worth by suggesting that one person should strive to be more like another.
Breaking the Comparison Habit
Over time, my Portuguese improved, and the community learned to appreciate our individual strengths. However, the deeper challenge lies in overcoming our own internal comparisons. It’s easy to fall into the trap of judging ourselves based on what others have or appear to have. This mental habit can become deeply ingrained.
Reframing comparisons as a form of ingratitude can be a powerful tool for change. Instead of focusing on what we lack, we can choose to appreciate our own unique gifts and experiences. This shift in perspective allows us to embrace our individuality and cultivate a more genuine sense of self-worth. Ultimately, the question of whether comparing ourselves to others helps is answered with a resounding no. True growth comes from focusing on our own journey, celebrating our unique strengths, and recognizing the inherent value in being ourselves.
