Do Women Compare Past Partners? This question often arises in discussions about relationships and infidelity. A recent survey on infidelity provides compelling insights into the behaviors and attitudes of both men and women who have engaged in extramarital affairs. While the survey doesn’t directly address comparison of past partners, the data reveals intriguing differences in the emotional experiences and motivations of men and women who stray.
Key Findings on Infidelity: Gender Differences Emerge
The 2023 Affair Attitudes Survey, conducted by Nickerson, Stone, and Davies, collected data from over 5,000 participants, including both those who had cheated (straying partners) and those who had been cheated on (betrayed partners). The survey’s findings shed light on how men and women experience infidelity differently.
Emotional Landscape of Infidelity:
- Regret: Women reported feeling less regret during the affair than men. This suggests potential differences in emotional processing and justification of infidelity.
- Love for Affair Partner: Women were more likely to report feeling “in love” with their affair partner and to believe those feelings were genuine, even in hindsight. This contrasts with men, who were more likely to report still being in love with their spouse during the affair.
- Confiding in Others: Women were more likely to confide in friends or family about the affair, indicating a potential need for external emotional support and validation. Men, on the other hand, were more likely to internalize their experiences.
Motivations and Behaviors:
- Number of Affairs: Women were more likely to have only one affair, while men reported a higher average number of affairs.
- Age and Infidelity: The 35-39 age range was the highest risk period for both men and women, but women generally had affairs at a younger age than men.
- Type of Affair Partner: Men were more likely to have affairs with strangers or sex workers, whereas women’s affair partners were typically coworkers or friends. This points towards different motivations for infidelity – potentially physical for men and emotional for women.
- Type of Affair: Women were more likely to have affairs that were both physical and emotional (“both affairs”), while men were more prone to purely emotional or purely physical affairs.
Reconciliation and Relationship Outcomes:
- Reconciliation Rates: Men were more likely to reconcile with their original partner after the affair and reported higher commitment to the relationship post-affair. Women were less likely to want to reconcile and less committed if they did stay in the relationship.
- Relationship Satisfaction Post-Affair: Men were more likely to believe their relationship had improved after the affair, while women were less likely to report this positive outcome.
Implications and Future Research
This survey highlights significant gender differences in the experience and aftermath of infidelity. While the data doesn’t directly address whether women compare past partners more than men, it suggests that women’s emotional experiences during and after infidelity are complex and often involve a deeper emotional connection with the affair partner. Further research could explore the role of past relationship experiences and comparisons in influencing infidelity behaviors and outcomes for both genders. Understanding these nuances can contribute to more effective relationship counseling and support for individuals and couples navigating the challenges of infidelity. The differences in regret, love for the affair partner, and reconciliation desires could indicate underlying differences in how women process past relationships in the context of a current affair.
Reference:
Nickerson, K., Stone, R., and Davies, R. (2023). Affair Attitudes Survey. Summary tables of all data, women respondents only, and men respondents only. Manuscript forthcoming.
