We all have those areas where we feel a little… lacking. For me, home repairs are a constant source of humility. Take the saga of the stubborn toilet a few years back. My initial attempts involved plunging and even a foray with a plumbing snake (the tool, not the reptile!). Defeated, I resigned myself to a permanently out-of-order bathroom fixture. Luckily, my wife Lani possesses a problem-solving gene I clearly missed. She fearlessly rocked the toilet, detached it (kids, definitely don’t try this!), and in a moment of brilliance, unearthed the culprit: a small jewelry box courtesy of our curious kids. Problem solved, but not by my handiwork.
Emboldened (or perhaps foolishly optimistic), I once decided to tackle a swing set project for our children, despite my distinct lack of construction prowess. The swing set kit boasted twenty-seven steps. Step one alone consumed over six hours of my bewildered efforts – and I’m not exaggerating.
I know people who could assemble a swing set in a weekend, but I am not one of them. Weeks later, with considerable help from patient friends, the swing set finally stood complete. It was a triumphant moment, filled with the joyful sounds of kids at play. Then came the insightful observation from my daughter: “I love it, but it only has three monkey bars.”
“You’ll love those monkey bars!” I declared, perhaps a tad defensively. Despite its shortcomings, that swing set was my creation. I might not craft fine art, but in my book, that swing set was a masterpiece.
The swing set saga concluded on a Saturday. Coincidentally, the preceding Friday in my seminary class, we had discussed Ether 12:27. In this verse, the Lord reveals to Moroni, “I give unto men weakness that they may be humble; and my grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them.”
I explained to my students that Ether 12:27 arises from a conversation between Jesus Christ and Moroni. Moroni was concerned that his writing in the Book of Mormon would be mocked by the Gentiles due to his perceived inadequacy as a writer. He lamented, “Lord, the Gentiles will mock at these things [the Book of Mormon], because of our weakness in writing” (Ether 12:23). Moroni further compared himself to another, stating, “Thou hast not made us mighty in writing like unto the brother of Jared, for thou madest him that the things which he wrote were mighty even as thou art” (Ether 12:24).
Moroni, in essence, was engaging in comparison and feeling profoundly inadequate. It was in this context of self-comparison that the Savior offered the powerful reassurance, “My grace is sufficient” (Ether 12:27). Our class discussion centered on the principle of avoiding comparison. I challenged my students to consciously observe their tendency to compare themselves to others over the next 48 hours and to note the emotional impact of such comparisons.
Friday was class, Saturday was swing-set completion, Sunday was church, and Monday I saw my students again. I handed out index cards, asking them to anonymously share their weekend experiences with comparison. Later that night, as Lani and I drove to visit her brother, we read through their responses. I was struck by the sheer number of students who wrote sentiments like, “I didn’t realize how often I compare myself, and it really does hurt.” A wave of empathy washed over me as I realized the pervasive struggle with comparison, even among teenagers.
Stepping into my brother-in-law’s backyard, my eyes immediately landed on his swing set. Five monkey bars! My immediate thought: My swing set is inferior!
In that instant, I recognized my own entanglement in the very comparison trap I had discussed with my students. Just days before, I had felt genuine satisfaction with my swing set creation. It was only upon comparing it to another that feelings of inadequacy crept in. Perhaps this resonates with Paul’s wisdom to the Corinthians: “They… comparing themselves among themselves, are not wise” (2 Corinthians 10:12). Comparison frequently breeds discontent and discouragement. Indeed, comparison can be a true joy thief.
While constructive comparison has its place, the insidious nature of unhealthy comparison often creeps in, even when we intellectually know better. Just a couple of years ago, I was preparing to speak at an event alongside Brad Wilcox – a truly captivating speaker. As I was setting up, a young woman approached with a camera. My ego momentarily inflated, thinking, “How nice, she wants a picture with me.”
She looked at me expectantly and asked, “Are you Brad Wilcox?” I deflated, “No, he’s the next speaker.”
“Oh.” She simply said, and walked away. My internal monologue immediately declared, “Well, I’m a loser.”
But comparing myself to Brad Wilcox is a futile exercise. Instead, I need to consciously remember – and I encourage you to remember too – the powerful words of Jesus Christ. In the very context of comparison, the Savior declared, “My grace is sufficient.” This is the anchor we can hold to. We don’t need to be derailed by feelings of inadequacy fueled by comparing ourselves to others. Instead of seeking validation sideways, from our peers, we can look upward for God’s approval. Jesus truly is enough.
Two different swing sets in backyards, one appearing simpler and the other more elaborate, visually representing the contrast that triggers comparison and feelings of inadequacy.
